Body Image

When I was young I never really paid a much attention to my “shape”. I knew I was bigger but it didn’t stress me out.

I realized pregnancy was a huge help to me and my confidence. As I got older my confidence has oddly waned. 2 weeks post pregnancy and I love my body again!

In 2 weeks I have lost 35 lbs. And the thing is- I’m not trying to. I’m just being me!

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37 weeks- the day before delivery

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1 week post partum

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Little Miss and Me today! She gets to meet her Papa tonight for the first time!

I feel so comfortable in my skin now, for the first time in years. It’s a work in progress. I’m 10lbs from my pre baby, miscarriages and stuff 2 years ago.

In other news… this kid. Lawd.

Let me give you an example of how my nights go…

Hubs fed, changed and held her till 12:00- She refuses to be put down.
12:30 she was up again with the toots and screams. 1am we had a HUGE poopy diaper. Like..Holy crap. She had pooped SO much that it was full on blow out- from and back. I wasn’t expecting this so when I pulled off her diaper she immediately stuck her feet in her poop and started squishing her toes. Oh god.

If you’ve seen Pitch Perfect….
Puke_angel

Mhmmm. Gross.

We managed to get cleaned up and about a half hour later she was comfortably in her bassinet again when I hear a gag and BOOM- baby puke! THis was actually the second time of the night for a spit up monster of epic proportions.

My poor baby and her tummy. She has been so fussy and gassy lately. This was clearly the final countdown last night.

I’m totally open to suggestions here. She isn’t over eating or even cluster feeding anymore. She’s on a sensitive tummy forumla supplement and breast milk. Poor baby fusses alllllll night and a good portion of the day.

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My Achy, Breaky… Everything

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That’s kind of how I’ve felt this past week. I swear I’ve had a thousand different symptoms that make zero sense together. I’ve mentioned I started having back pain over the weekend. I thought it was a kidney stone (I’ve had more than one person deserves), then, when the pain didn’t lessen like normal I thought perhaps it was some sort of back strain or something like that. NO go there, either.

We just recently got insurance, so I decided to make an appointment with the DR on Tuesday. They couldn’t fit me in until Thursday evening. I wasn’t willing to lay around in pain so I decided a trip to Urgent Care was in order. They can only do so much on the premises, so it was more of a guessing game. They weren’t equipped to handle back issues, so they went with infections. Long story short, they tested me for a million infections and internal issues. They all came back negative. I could tell they were grasping at straws when they suggested some pretty far out causes. They sent some things to another lab and told me to see a Dr in 2-3 days if the meds they gave me didn’t fix things.

I’m glad I kept my appointment now. My symptoms make no sense and I don’t even know if any of them are related or if my body felt one twinge and decided to throw a free for all. I feel like that children’s song, “Head , Shoulders, Knees, and Toes”.

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To give even the vaguest idea of what I’m talking about:

-The Purple: A weird red skin issue I’ve had for the past year. It’s occasionally itchy, but doesn’t hurt or change. I showed it to a Dr once. She glanced at it, said, “Well, it’s not cancer” and that was that.. Okay then…

– The Yellow: Various points on my body that hurt. The inner knee and shoulder happened when I fell at my FIL’s house. The ankle happened a few weeks ago, as mentioned. The back in around the time the other pain in the back started, just before. I don’t know if it’s the cause of my issues or not.

The Red: Ohhh, the red. That’s the bugger of them all. Sometimes during the day I’m convinced I’m fine. Then I sit, or drink water or eat and it’s there again. It’s like my left side has a stitch that runs from my spine to the front of my rip cage. It’s not my heart- they checked that too.

 

Suffice to say I’m a bloody mess. This week has been an epic fail as far as exercise is concerned. The first Dr I saw suggested I take some time off. He thought it might be something as simple as dehydration combined with a strained back. SO I’ve laid on my back for the better part of this week. It gets uncomfortable when I sit or lay on my sides. I’ve included some salt in my diet too to stop the process of drinking a bottle of water and immediately flushing it back out. So far that, and “just in case” antibiotics haven’t helped. I see a new Dr this afternoon. He’s probably going to think I’m completely insane. Yay!

Yesterday I couldn’t stand it anymore. I did a light circuit training of weights, cardio and abs. It didn’t hurt anything worse and it made me feel mentally better. Hopefully I don’t find out that this IS a back issue!

My food hasn’t been overly inspiring either.

Mostly I’ve been laid out so I didn’t partake in cooking. Breakfasts have mostly been fruit and yogurt. Lunches are salads with rolled turkey breast. Dinners have been all over the charts. Last night we had salads, the night before friend chicken (OH my belly) and the night before that “lighter” meatloaf.

I feel good that I haven’t completely fallen off the wagon. Well.. except for that bowl of Poppycock. I hate the name of that stuff, but it’s so darn good and SO bad for you. I enjoyed every sugary bit of it. I don’t even want to jump on a scale though. I’ve taken on a large amount of water weight from the sodium uppage. I feel like I’m starting over and that is the part that sucks the most.

We’ll see what the doctor says today!

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In other news, I fell off the 30 Day Shred wagon at day 22. Between being on my back, and the videos crapping out, I decided to just throw in the towel. I did however get my measurements from the beginning until day 20!I took pictures, but they aren’t enough change to warrant showing. So, here we go!

In the 20 days I actually did the shred I lost 6 inches off my body over all. I saw changes in my arm, leg and waist measurements for the first time. It’s not a lot, but it’s nice to see some change. My husband even noticed my arms were less squishy and had a bit of budding muscle underneath it all. All things considered, it was an interesting experience. The biggest hurdles for me was stamina and boredom. It’s amazing how the same routine can cause you to be super tired, but bored. I think when I was able to predict and recite what she said, I knew I needed to move on. My weight loss was pretty minimal in this. I gained more muscle that anything I think. I can feel the muscles in my arms, legs and ab area.

That Moment..

I had this gleeful and really immature moment today. I decided to share it because I have found a lot of people still struggle from High School bullying horrors.

When I was in school I had it double hard. Not only was I one of the few bigger girls at my school, I was also the only Hispanic one.

Example: When I first moved to PA I made a friend named Danielle. She invited me over after school one day. Apparently her ignorant mother just assumed I was a migrant worker’s child. She tried to convince Danielle to not invite me over, but Dani insisted. Imagine her surprise when my mother showed up to take me home that evening. Mommy showed up in a nice car and a power suit from her high executive job. 

Yeaaaahhh

Oddly enough despite both of these things I was never hounded by bullies. There were a few. Occasionally I would walk down the hall and hear someone snicker “thunnnder thighs”. For the most part I ignored it- this happened maybe once every few months. There was one kid as time went on who was pretty rude. He would often make comments about how jiggly I was or something equally dumb.

OKay Cue to today. Sometimes I still wander around Facebook to see what old HS folk are up to. I stumbled upon my old nemesis. HE. IS. FAT. I know it’s not nice and it sinks me right down to his level but I had a really long chuckle. As I scanned over pictures of his wobbly alcohol filled belly and double chin- I FINALLY let go of some dark shadow deep inside me. I don’t think I even knew it was there to be honest. He never crossed my mind over the years, but I guess his taunts were always ijn the back of my head. This perfect person could be just as imperfect as I’ve felt my entire like.

I ..am…human.

*fistpump*

No changes in weight or measurements today. We will see how things go. Weekends are the hardest for me