Final Countdown

So much is happening right now!

I had my final OB appt yesterday. After a lot of hemming and hawing it was decided I would be induced on Thursday March 12th. As in.. this Thursday! Oh Mah Gawd….y’all…

It’s not that this decision was unexpected really. It’s just a lot sooner than I had figured. Originally my Dr was concerned that my “bad” numbers weren’t bad enough to soothe the minds of the men behind the desks. But in the end it was decided by her and another Dr. The Dr that would be doing my induction is my original first choice dr. So… scheduling for the win?

GD, kidney stones, mild pre-eclampsia and worsening carpal tunnel have left my body swollen and painful. As long as LO is okay we can do whatever is necessary.

Speaking of kidney stones…

I passed yet another one last night. I’m relieved as this one has been floating around and poking my poor abused bladder for weeks. It was NOT something I wanted to worry about during labor! This stone was only about 3mm so as far as size goes- it wasn’t too bad. Just annoying! This is 7 stones I’ve passed since mid January. 7 stones that supposedly did not exist.

I had to laugh. My Dr actually said, “He’s the type of doctor that needs to retire. He’s missing things with patients and just does not care any more.” when it came to discussing the urology “guru” that told me to suck it up. Clearly he is not on anyone’s happy list! Apparently she had another patient with severe stones in the hospital and he was the Dr on call. When she called for a consult he told her he was having a dinner party and asked if she could find someone else before he disrupted his night. Really?! While you are ON CALL? Nice, dude.

In lesser exciting news. I should get my new phone cover soon. My urologist should have the analyzing results back on my stones this week. And my poor dad is having a nervous breakdown.

I called just to give him a heads up so he didn’t find out over FB that I had delivered early. I told him not to come. I don’t plan on having anyone but my husband around for the actual birth and saw no need to have people waiting around in the halls. It would only stress me out to have to worry about other people. Of course hours later I get a call from his gf. My dad is panicking and trying to get on a place. Lord help me. I can’t worry about that, or worry about him somehow getting a ride to the hospital- Which is a 45-1.5 hr drive depending on traffic. No, just no. I love him but the man drives me insane. He swears he heard in my voice that I will need him there. Sorry to sound mean. But again- No. I’m a bitch when I’m in pain. My dad and I have a strained relationship for the most part and I will surely insult him. Save meeeee

Unless something happens this may be the precursor to a pause in blogging. I will update when I can!

Don’t stress- Easier Said Than Done!

Sorry I just cracked myself up!

The last few days have been… a doozy.

Hubs is still in mega pain with his back. He popped a rib out and it still isn’t feeling better a week later. Poor guy has to sleep on the couch. Ugh..

2 nights ago while arranging the mountain of pillows on our bed I noticed one was VERY cold and damp feeling. As I tend to think very cold things feel damp, I let it go. But it bugged me. The wall and back on my bed felt damp too. We may have seepage coming in through our wall. I don’t even want to imagine what that will entail to deal with. Frankly I can’t even right now!

Yesterday I went in for my normal weekly prenatal appointments. First our normally upbeat Ultrasound Tech made her first notice that I might have TOO MUCH fluid around baby. She reminded me this could be bad so naturally my stress began to build. In the end she remeasured and it was fine- albeit on the higher side of the spectrum. I followed up the ultrasound with an OB appointment. This was pretty much where things went downhill and fast!

I mentioned to the nurse that I had gained 10lbs in a week. 10lbs y’all. OMFG

I was concerned because during the entirety of this pregnancy I have gained VERY little to no weight and in 1.5 months I had topped out at over 25lbs heavier. I had also begun to notice that I was having carpel tunnel issues in both hands, minor swelling in my hands and feet and that I was having nausea/vomiting issues. I knew the gaining had to be water weight because I was eating the same diet style as chosen by my dietitian and probably LESS than normal. By blood sugars were low as heck. My fasting number yesterday was only 58. I didn’t take insulin all day and never topped 115 if that goes to show you how off my body is! She wanted to let me relax for a few minutes. Don’t stress, she would be back shortly!

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Dr G poked around, asked tons of questions and then dropped the bomb on me. She wanted to send me to the hospital. She was concerned for me. My BP- which is irregular at best, was high. Very High for me. 146/104. Eeek. So I toddled out and off to Labor and Delivery I went.

For whatever reason I am generally an upbeat person in sucky medical situations. I assume this has to do with growing up in a family that spent a lot of time in and around hospitals. Laughter can be the best medicine I guess. As pessimistic as I can sound on here- I’ve been told in a hospital setting that they wish they had more upbeat patients. So strange. So I did what I always do and kept up an upbeat chatty conversation as the poked, prodded, tested and exposed my body.

I ended up having an on call Dr that I was familiar with, thank goodness. I had seen her during the kidney stone ordeal.

After a few hours of waiting my results came back. While LO’s heartbeat was a little on the high side, she was active and seemed perfectly fine. I on the other hand am now showing signs of preeclampsia. YUCK. After a lot of medical jargon the Dr was *insistent* that I follow up with my Dr on Monday. Not Tuesday when I had a previously scheduled appointment. It HAD to be Monday. Uhm, okay..

She then dropped the bomb of bombs. She said, as I would be 37 solid weeks next week, that Dr G needed to take Monday to plan my birth and induction and that I should plan to be delivering next Thursday or Friday.

*Cue total and utter shut down of my brain*

That’s sooner than I had planned. By a few weeks. Of course my body would go and make something insane happen. They cautioned me not to get stressed. They put my on modified best rest until LO is here.

Don’t stress? Really? I am a worrier by nature and then you lump all of the past week and upcoming week on me at once? Good luck.

In the end I insisted I had a few errands to run as my last week as a non mama. We also took the time to splurge and had a wonderful (and expensive) last hoorah dinner. I enjoyed ALL the foods just once- because gosh darnit, I NEEDED it.

We will see what Dr G says next week. I’ll keep y’all posted!

The Kidney Stones Continue

I *finally* got to see a urologist yesterday!

Finally as in.. I had been hospitalized for stones in DECEMBER. Yep. This took phone calls and threats from my OB to get my in before my due date- but it happened!

First of all- my Doctor looks like a hot version of Seal. And he was super nice so yayyy!

I handed over my cup-o-stones. Both the nurse and the doctor were in shock. They kept looking at them. Dr said he couldn’t believe I had actually passed the biggest one! They are going to analyze them finally!

He ordered an ultrasound of my kidneys- this is the only thing he can do while I am pregnant. Once we get passed the baby he wants to run a full battery of tests. I’m down with this because I am SO over the pain. He also gave me a basic list of avoid foods. I was REALLY surprised at some of the list. Like pepper. Not cooked peppers but the seasoning. This is a HUGE bummer because I tend to love black pepper instead of salt or many seasonings. There is also many of my favorites on the list. Many fruits, veggies, breads, dairy, and other surprising foods are on my ‘No’ list. Meatballs, y’all. MEATBALLS. The list is HUGE and will only get worse I’m sure. I feel a little worried about this. We’ll see.

Yesterday was also the first time I’ve driven myself anywhere in 3 or 4 months. Yeaaah. I’ve been really lucky to have people driving me, but yesterday was an off day and I had to rely on myself. I think it will be the last time I drive myself until after LO is here.

When I adjusted the seat, my belly hit the steering wheel. The steering wheel vibrates because the car is older. LO did NOT like this. She kept kicking and punching it. I adjusted the seat back a little to fix that. That was about the full slightly uncomfortable extent of my arm reach though. It was a challenge. I was also pretty nervous. The roads were blessedly clear weather wise, but people drive like jerks. What is it about people that drive Silverados?! I nearly got creamed multiple times by that sort of truck. Going up against one of those while in an itty bitty Focus is some scary business!

Not much else to report right now! HUbs hurt his back, MIL is taking me in the snow to my ultrasound today. See y’all soon!

What Not to Do & Say to a Pregnant Lady

I’ve been around a lot of pregnant ladies in my life. Honestly, until I became one myself I never realize all the annoying things I did and said. Maybe it’s just me and I’m more conscious of it now, who knows?

1. Don’t Touch: People LOVE to touch a baby belly. Frankly, I find it weird. You wouldn’t just want up and touch me on the street if I was any other person. Granted there are some ladies that don’t care- but to be safe, always ask! I know myself, I don’t dig touchy feely. Luckily only 2 or 3 people have touched the belly besides Hubs. Mostly I’ve just sort of grimaced around the awkward moment. Especially when you are a plus sized pregnant lady. Sometimes our bellies form strangely or don’t show soon- your poking my muffin top does not help.

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2. Don’t comment in size: One of my biggest fears was becoming an even bigger blob. I mean, sure, I would do anything to make the kiddo happy, but..ya know. I’m a big girl. I was worried people would comment on my already big size. Instead I find the opposite happens. For a long time people would look at me, make comments on “how small” I am. No one really believed I was as far along as I was. I’ve popped enough now, but for a while it was frustrating to be compared to other people!

3. Due Dates: This is almost a continuation of the above. People are always asking when I am due. Usually when I give them a date they exclaim, “Oh! You’ve got a long time!”. Actually it’s just under a month. Not all that long, considering. But Really, we don’t want to hear your thoughts on how much more time we get to struggle and wear a fat suit. No matter how early or late in the pregnancy we are. Zip it. In the beginning of pregnancy I hated hearing “Just wait till you are further along! You’re so early…” or “Oh, you look miserable! But you still have x amount of time”. Thanks.

4. Unsolicited advice: I get that everyone things they know better, but unless I ask or we are holding an open dialog about it- keep your opinions to yourself.

We finished the nursery this weekend. Or at least 95% of it. There are some storage issues that I will surely tweak a million times between now and then. Hubs moved my recliner into the room yesterday. I’m fairly certain I spent several hours sitting in her room napping, sorting and just hanging out. I feel a huge sense of relief that should I go into early labor, she would have a place to come home to. I can not wait until it’s warmer out too. Hubs plans to move the last remainder of his tools out of the closet space when it get’s nicer. Please, please get nicer soon! I would VERY much like to have more baby storing space. It’s pretty much a necessity at this point.

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All the Small Things

Today is my shower!

Is it horrible to say I’m actually incredibly freaked out!? I don’t do well with having all visual attention on me. I get weird even opening holiday gifts from my husband, let alone a group of women I don’t know well or haven’t met often. Ohhh Boy. But I am excited, so we’ll keep our fingers crossed I don’t melt down!!

The only real concern I have at the moment comes from my appointment yesterday. I had 2 appointments in a row. First I had my bi-weekly OB appointment. This began my stress levels. I mentioned more kidney stones and then was left to wait in the room by a nurse for over 20 minutes. Considering I used to wait upwards of 4-5 hours in PA- 20 minutes is nothing. But, and there is always a but, I began getting stressed because I also had an appointment immediately after my OB. This appointment was at another clinic across town AND it was snowing and icy out. SO there I sat, stressing about getting to my other appointment on time. Thanks to years of working with someone on a tight schedule- I am a stickler for punctuality. It turns out my doctor was beyond annoyed that the urologist office she referred me to was jerking me around. She apparently was late coming in because she was making calls. I appreciate it but eventually when the nurse came in to check my BP I let her know I needed to leave in 10 minutes with or without seeing them. Of course my BP was high. 145/95. ACK. The insisted on checking it again in 10 minutes. Now I had performance anxiety to boot. I had also gained a significant amount of weight. Note to self, always take off shoes.. screw laziness.AND I was passing a kidney stone. What did they expect?! My BP was still elevated at the second round and they called ahead to my next appointment to be evaluated there. SIGH.

The minute I got out of my appointment Hubs was already stressed. He was worried I was in so long, worried about the driving conditions and annoyed my next scheduled appointment was in such a shotty time. None of this helped me calm down. As it turns out- stressing about time was a non issue. My next appointment was running 15 minutes behind anyway. The nurse that was supposed to evaluate me got fed up and left to help other patients because no one told her I was still in the waiting area. I finally got my appointment in. Little One was doing swimmingly. Despite my mental whiplash, she was having a chill day in the womb. Must be nice.

I ended up having my BP taken twice more while at my ultrasound. It didn’t get much better. I had to sit in the waiting room until further notice. It was decided that I had to be put on light activity and bed rest. Jooooy. There was a discussion about my being induced early. Hello, oh you are stressed? Let’s add a heaping load of OMG!

I will be monitored 3 times next week. Should be fun.

SO you can see, on top of my shower anxiety, I also will have all of the above. I was told by the Dr that I was to basically sit in a chair and let everyone and everything come to me. Because that will help with the people anxiety for sure!

SOS, Send me chill pills and hugs

The Beat Goes On

Hello world!

Almost exactly 2 months after I started having flank pain and other symptoms associated with kidney stones I can proudly say I have passed yet ANOTHER.

To the doctor (a “specialist” I might add) that told me to “suck it up” and that my pain was only pregnancy related- feel free to take a flying leap.

At this time I have managed to catch and hold onto 4 stones of varying sizes. If you read a few posts back you’ve seen pictures of 3. One of those was a 9.5 millimetre stone.

Last night, out of the blue, out popped another one. This one was by far the smallest. I’m assuming this is why, other than a small amount of flank pain a few weeks ago, I didn’t really notice it. I’ve been feeling lethargic and over all cruddy this past week and have associated this with just being 6 weeks away from this kiddo popping out. I still have the same bit of discomfort I had last night. I would not be at all surprised to learn there is another. I know for a fact that I passed 2 smaller ones originally that I did not catch.

That brings my total in 2 months to 6 stones. 6 stones that supposedly didn’t exist. 6 stones that caused pains I blamed on this child and ignored all the warning signs and my gut feeling. I am SO frustrated.

I have an appointment with the urologist (a different one!)on March 2nd. My OB was extremely un happy they seem to be jerking me around. Apparently even her requests for an urgent appointment don’t hold much weight. They said they could put me on a cancellation waiting list. But so far it is mid February and no such calls have come in.

I don’t know what I expect from the appointment. Mostly I would like all the stones analysed and tested to find out what they are made up of for sure. There isn’t much they can do beyond some unpleasant procedures until kiddo comes. I’m not having ANY of those done. We’re so close to the finish line at this point I don’t want to put any added stress on my body.

On the flip side, my shower is this weekend. Despite the fact that all but one of the 18 people I personally invited declined, and we haven’t even heard back from most of the women on Hubs side of the family- I am trying to remain excited. Hub’s Mom and Sisters have been busting it to make this special for me. They’ve invested WAY too much time and money into something that will probably be a bust. But I appreciate the effort more than anything. I’ve never had a party of my own besides a few McDonald/backyard parties as a very little kid.

Even with all their efforts, I feel guilty. I have such a hard time letting people do things for me. I am probably one of the tightest penny pincher’s in the world. Yesterday Hub’s Mom took me to an appointment and we ran a few errands while we were out. In a few short hours she had dropped nearly $100 AND still had to pick up the food, cake and more supplies later this week. I feel so damn guilty. That’s not including the gifts she already bought us, the rental for a venue (which I now feel even worse about as she wanted to do a home party and I was worried too many people would come…fail), decorations, gifts and prizes, games and whatever other tricks she has up her sleeve. Add to this that the 2 weeks prior my SIL used 2 of her days off to take me to appointments. I know she is busy as heck and she spent 2 full days with me, paid for lunches AND bought me new clothes. I appreciate all the effort but I feel bad. And yet, as next week comes into view I’m already thinking about asking someone to drive me again. I can’t win.

If nothing else, I’m learning what real families do for each other. My own family has clearly never gone out of the way. Sure my parents were good to me but my sisters have spoken via text to me maybe 3 times in the past 8 months. Not the worst, but an example none the less.

Back to doing a million things to get ready for little one! Oh, and let me share a rare baby photo!

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Behold, Little me at about 14 months…. annnnd Baby L and her 3D ultrasound yesterday! They are cruddy looking but then they are pictures of pictures on a cruddy old phone! Enjoy 😛

Insecurities in a big Pregnant World

I am at best a fairly insecure person. I won’t get into the details on that- but suffice to say- I am. Pregnancy has made me a very vulnerable and stressed out person!

Most of my doctors know I have a general distrust of the medical profession (funny as I was once a part of it!). They know not to hand me off to a new doctor or nurse without giving me fair warning. Want to see my BP be awful that day? Give me a new nurse that doesn’t know I’m a basket case!

For the majority of my pregnancy I have been monitored very closely. 2 miscarriages, Gestational Diabetes and being an overall fatty pretty much make that the norm I suppose. The upside to this is that I get a LOT more ultrasounds than the average gal. Many people have commented on this being excessive and tedious. I agree. Finding rides or having to drive my husband to and from work just to have a quick 20 minute scan is annoying on a good day. It’s scary as heck when you live in Minna-snow-ta and have about 6-7 weeks left before you are ready to pop. I worry about travelling on my own a lot. Hubs work is a drive out in the boonies. The road there is actually a fairy busy highway but it cuts through super tiny towns and in many areas is unlit. I worry about fitting behind the wheel as I get farther along.

Anyway, there I go off topic. Oops.. See… crazy lady.

The point of all that- I have had the same Ultrasound tech for my entire pregnancy. She knows my quirks and how I need to be treated in order to feel comfortable. She knows my baby and how she moves, breaths and reacts. She’s never impatient and she loves to gab with us. I love going to those appointments because I know what to expect. When we run into each other in the grocery store as we often will, we stop to talk and say hello. She’s just a nice person. So when the door to the office opened today and there stood a stranger, I was pretty put off. Ultrasound Tech Barbie called my name. That sounds awful, but yeahhhh. There stood this supermodel like young thing ready to whisk me away. Apparently she also whisked my manners away when she swooped in.

My first response to her was, “I don’t know you…”. I tried to explain that I’m sort of a weird case and all she did was laugh. I think eventually she got it because she finally asked if I would prefer her to get someone else. Then I just felt like a major heel, an uncomfortable one, but still. I don’t like surprises.

I didn’t like this girl at all. First she criticized my laying placement. I wasn’t away one could stretch out wrong and it was the same way I had always done it. When she whipped out the wand she barely spoke at all. Normally my gal does a play by play or just answers my questions. She asks her own and all that too. I’m not sure if it was a different wand or technique but the quality was AWFUL. I could barely tell what anything was. She was VERY impatient with every little thing. If she didn’t immediately see something she would just skip over it. She barely spoke. We talk a lot. Especially to pass the time during a routine biophysical where not much goes on other than checking organs and fluid levels. I made comments about previous visits to this one and small changes in the color of the placenta that I noticed. She didn’t respond to most. Little one is generally not a huge mover in the mid morning. She’s up kicking me all night and gets feisty again around lunch time. Girl knows when she is getting fed! This tech kept commenting on her lack of major movement despite my explaining this a million times. Kid moves a ton. She makes me look like a lump of playdough most often. Normal tech is patient. She knows if she just hangs out or pushes around a bit that LO with get annoyed and poke back. This new tech started shaking my belly. Like, moving my belly around like a ball and bouncing on it. DO you know what that does to a lady with acid reflux issues? Hours after my appointment I was STILL feeling nauseated and awful. Overall I was not impressed. I left the office wondering what nonsense she would post in the report. What is normally a happy blissful time was very stressful and annoying in the end. I REALLY hope I don’t get this girl again. I’ve never felt so insecure about my body and my child. NOT a fan

The Elusive Sleep Monster

No matter what data you read about any one subject there will always be conflicting data.

Almost as long as I can remember I have had sleep issues. My brain refuses to shut off. I’ve taken various sleep tests, tried handfuls of sleepaids and pills- Nothing really seems to work. Those that start off working usually are considered “addictive” and are strictly controlled. The same people that push those pills on you are suddenly urging you to stop. There really is no winning situation here.

During this pregnancy my body has *craved* sleep. Earlier on I could barely function during the day because my body wanted a nap. But, I don’t nap. I’ve never been good at napping. I find I lay around for most of the allotted nap time staring at the ceiling, counting sheep or whatever it is we sleep defunct folks do. By the time I drift off, if I’ve been lucky to do so at all, I am woken only minutes later feeling worse than before I closed my eyes.

I’ve been having a hard time sleeping. Which, is to be expected. My doctor suggested Unisom. Unisom works in that hours after I take it I feel a slight sleepy sensation. My hubs makes fun of me because I have started crawling into bed earlier and earlier in hopes that the two things will catch up to each other, meet in the middle and get me sleeping at normal human times. Some days it works.

Other times, like last night- Not so much. I made the mistake of drinking a small caffeinated drink. Ehhhhh wrong answer.

Pregnant sleep is bizarre. If you are like me, you may toss and turn. And let me tell you- tossing and turning with a bowling ball strapped to your middle is a mess. I flop like a fish. Sometimes I get stuck on my back- barely able to breathe. Fun times. I also have some of the most INSANE dreams. This shouldn’t come as a huge shock. I’ve always had really messed up dreams- but some of these are the cherry on my crazy cake! Whew!

If there is any silver lining to all of this- it’s that I figure I’ll be totally ready to be a sleep deprived mom. I can function mostly like a human on a few hours of sleep!

Bring it onnnn

tired

Feeling Selfish

Hey ya’ll! We’re still plugging along here.

This week I’m fighting off my tendencies to act or feel selfish. It’s not working out very well.

My shower is in a few weeks. I live very far from my own side of the family. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before. They are all east coast while I am currently located in the Mid-West.

I know times are tough for everyone and I know that Minnesota in February isn’t super exciting. I knew this inviting people. I didn’t expect everyone to come. I hoped maybe a few would. So I invited 18 people that are friends and family of mine. Of that- I know for certain 10 of them said no.

Several of them have called and told me what they are sending. This in itself drives me insane. I would like to be somewhat surprised. At least as much as can be. One of my Aunts called to say she didn’t like my choices for various reasons of her own and had decided to tell my other Aunt’s and Grandma to purchase items she approved. So… yay. You basically told me I have crappy taste and I’m going to get things I won’t want. Thanks a bunch. I get that part of it is that I chose the cheaper options of the better rated items and they look at it as being nice. But when the excuse to not come is that they can’t afford it, but then turn around and buy my the $500 option of the item I chose- It’s annoying.

As far as reasons for not coming go… I accept that one Aunt is having surgery. That’s a huge deal. I also accept that my best friend opted not to come so that she could come when the baby is here and spend some time helping me. I appreciate that more than a quick weekend visit.

But then I find out what I can only assume is the “real” reason for most of them not coming and frankly- I AM PISSED.

My cousin is also pregnant. She’s due a week or two before me. Her godmom (my Dad’s girlfriend) accidentally mentioned that she ALSO had chosen the 21st. UHM…say what?!

I know for a fact that her shower was not planned until after mine. When invites were sent out there was no mention of conflicting dates. Something I had checked with Dad’s GF before. Plus she had also had me invite my cousin and her mom. This is also her second baby. She’s having another girl and her other daughter is under 3 so it’s not like she hasn’t been there, done that and bought the whole store already…..

Every no I get now is a slap in the face to me. She’s on the east coast so you can pretty much bet where everyone is actually going to be. Even my dad and his lady. Nice right?

I’m trying to focus on the positive that my hub’s side of the family will be there. I don’t know how to be not selfish and upset by all of this though.

—–

On a side note. I FINALLY received a call from the urologist in regards to my monster stones. They of course want me to come in. It only took them 2 weeks to call me back.

I answered a ton of questions and have to print out a huge stack of paperwork to take. While we were scheduling my appointment I couldn’t help but bang my head on the desk. After stating several times that my current due date is April 2nd and that I would only be able to go to a certain location as it’s the one my insurance is cool with AND happens to be half a block from my home…the receptionist puts me on hold to see what date she can give me. She comes back with-

5 minutes on hold..
R: I can fit you in March 31st!
Me: Uh, I’m due April 2nd. I would really rather not schedule it that soon- ya know… in case?
R: Oh.. really? oh right.. please hold!
9 minutes on hold later….
R: Okay! I can put you in with Dr so and so in the blah blah location! (a location NOT approved and one that happens to be an hours drive away..)
Me: *insert long sigh and repetition of basically everything I had already told her and explained*
R: Oh.. okay.. oh boy.ONE MINUTE!
On hold 5 minutes..
R: Okay! I can get you in with Dr H on March 3rd! If that works I can pull up times!
Me: Yes! Thank you!
R: Okay.. never mind.. I can get you in with Dr C on the second though and this is the ONLY time available….

At that point I was so frustrated I just took the appointment. Meanwhile my OB put this in as an urgent appointment. I’m glad it’s just kidney stones and not something life threatening to me or the baby! Sheeeesh!

Who wants to bring me ice cream?!

5 Years

5 years since my Mom passed away.

Well, January 27th marked that date.

In 5 years… she has missed:

My engagement
My wedding
My 2 moves across the country
2 of my own miscarriages
The birth of my nephew
My own pregnancy thus far
Poppy’s 70th birthday

She’s missed so much and there is still so much life to live. I’m having a hard time not having my mom around for this baby. I want to talk to her about all the things. In reality I don’t have many people to talk to about all the things I’ve experienced. My Hubs is great but he’s a man and is probably tired of hearing about it all. My best friend is scarred for life from all my talking and she probably will never have kids because of me. Oooops. I haven’t heard from my own sisters since I shared our news. Well, that’s somewhat incorrect. Normally my middle sister and I are close. I haven’t heard from her except a text message that said, “Yay”. My oldest sister has been moderately better. She was interested in knowing the gender and tends to keep up with things via my dad. It’s somewhat depressing. For their firsts I was really excited and wanted to be a part of it all. As they each had their seconds it was harder because we were in different states or areas of the country, but I still checked in and sent presents. Heck, I STILL send presents and cards. Oh well…. Crazy hormone dreams don’t help. I’ve had several that Mom was still here and I always wake up feeling sad. We are giving little one a variation of Mom’s name for her middle name.

My family is oddly rude about this fact. We chose this particular name 2 years ago when we were first trying to have a baby. 4 months ago my cousin gave birth to a baby girl and chose a VERY similar name because she “thought it was cool”. Now everyone is accusing us of copying. It’s frustrating.When I told my Mom’s Mom her response was, “Oh….well…Okay..but…isn’t that the name your cousin already used?”. Grrr. She chose the name AFTER but had the fortune of not having 2 losses like we did. We chose our girl’s name for very specific reasons. Her first name is a tribute to how Hubs and I met. It’s a variation of a name that means a lot to both of us. We changed it a bit as some people have a religious view on the full name. Her middle name will be Ann- a tribute to my mom, Ann-Marie. I don’t see why people don’t get that.

I miss my mom this week a lot. Next week will mark when she was buried. I’m glad we have a somewhat busy weekend and busy next week to keep my mind occupied.

We all do the best we can and take one day at a time

I’ve got so much going on these next couple of weeks it’s a small blessing. Hopefully I can entice Hubs to help get the nursery more complete this weekend!! There is a lot of random things on the floor that was emptied from out desks during the move- that needs sorting. Half of the closet needs to be cleared out for her things as well. I’m letting hubs keep part of the closet until she’s a bit older. Of course- cleaning out half means that my extra pantry space needs to be relocated. That’s a bit of a pain as most of our space is being used already. This means we have to go into the front closet and so some mega reorganizing. Oh goodness gracious. Let’s see how this all works out. You can all laugh when I am pulling out my hair!!!!

My shower is in 3 weeks! That leaves me with 3 weekends to get this stuff done so that when I come home I don’t have to leave all the things in our living room. Well that and I’ll only be 3-5 weeks from delivering soooo I am SURE I will NOT want to be reorganizing the closets and space!

Until next time darlings!