9 months

In 4 days, that is how long my little munchkin has been out in the world.

In 9 months I’ve learned so many things.

Those baby milestones mean bupkiss. Really. People are constantly telling me how “easy” I have it right now. That I just have to wait till she starts crawling more or walking. Newsflash.. this kid has been standing since 6 months, crawling about the same and walking a few steps at a time for a month. But on the same token, she has no teeth. She’s my toofless little monster. She’s not following anyone’s flow chart but her own.

It takes a village to raise a child, but after the shiny and new wears off.. that village is usually nowhere to be found. A lot of that is our own fault. We don’t have a huge group of friends here and hub’s family is usually busy with their own lives. My own family is on the other side of the country. But it’s still hard. Case in point, I have not have even a few hours alone in months. No one has offered to take LO for even a few hours since AUGUST. Ya’ll. My sanity. I’ve started begging Facebook posts to take my child so that I can get things done. SO far that hasn’t worked out. We don’t have a ton of extra money for daycare or sitters. Sometimes just getting an offer to come hang out with her or take her for a bit would be nice.

BABY PROOF EVERYTHING. At the moment, my home looks like a war zone obstacle course of boxes and knee height items. Majority of our home is down one hall which makes things somewhat easy. The big issue is that our living room and dining room are one big open combined space. They don’t make a baby gate long enough to cover a whole room. Especially when you live in an apartment and can’t screw anything into the walls. Consider this when you have kids. Because you will spent 90% of the day dragging your kid away from things. Our kitchen table and chairs are hard shiny metal bottomed beasts. LO has tried to crack her head a million times. We bought a kiddy corral but it is currently keeping the Christmas tree safe. I have jerry rigged a large box to squeeze between the corral and the couch to make a makeshift room gate (which she has fgured out how to semi tip over and use as a slide. sigh). I’m also too short for all of the baby gates… If the gate is up and I have a sleeping kid? There’s a better chance of an asteroid strike than me making it over the gate with her or opening it one handed! Ahhhh…

Just give up on cleaning. Unless you have TONS of storage and a baby that will happily sit while you work- good luck. Also plans for going to the gym, taking up running or pretty much anything else are a pipe dream if you live in my world.

People can be WEIRD. Random strangers will act as if they have never seen a baby before. Hordes of old ladies will descend upon you to give advice, pinch cheeks and all sorts of oddities for someone that tends to be an introvert. Family will also be shady. You and your child will be constantly compared to any baby they happen to know at the time. Or in my case, you may even have a close relative that will name their child THE EXACT SAME FIRST AND MIDDLE NAME as your kid. Without telling you. And everyone else will think its no big deal. If you lived in any sort of shared housing and you can hear footsteps, construction or TV time.. you will begin to resent the living hell out of ANYONE that disturbs the rare slumber of your child. Take a deep breath and just do you!

Making mom friends is like being the frumpy chick at a party and trying to pick up the one single guy in the room while he chats with 30 other women. It doesn’t work.

But, it’s not all nightmares, lack of sleep and piles of unwashed dishes. There are good times too. In the morning, on a good day, my favorite time is our snuggles. When her warm little body is pressed against mine and she just clings like a baby koala.  On a lucky day she will open her mouth wide, dribbling with drool and smash it against my cheek, or nose, in her version of a kiss. Because mama gives LOTS of kisses too.


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