What I Learned From my Birth Experience

A lot y’all. I was woefully unprepared despite all the videos, education and reading.

1. Despite feeling knowledgeable on induction methods- we used 2 that weren’t even on the popular list of ones I expected. One had little effect while the other sent me spiralling out of control, and fast.

2. I was NOT prepared for the pain. Everyone says kidney stones are worse than child labor. They LIE. I’ve passed stones as big as 10mil and would gladly have done that again in a heartbeat. Oddly enough the actual pushing part- while exhausting and for me, stressful- was not bad. It was the never ending contractions 45 seconds apart lasting 1+ minutes that got to me. I’ve always had a higher pain tolerance but yikes.

3. Your pain meds may not work with the type of pain you have. I ended up getting an epidural. Ya know what? It didn’t do squat. In fact, for me, it took away my mobility to move around and help myself while leaving me feeling every ounce of pain I had before that. It was so bad at some points that the Dr came back to make sure it had works. It had- just not with the type of pain I had. They gave me other pain meds to help. They didn’t but at that point I was so upset I didn’t even know how to say NO- Stop.

4. Not all nurses are created equally. When I first arrived, I had a lovely nurse. She was sweet, funny and attentive. She spent more time in my room than she should have just chatting and sharing stories. Of course when the “fun” began I ended up with nurse ratchet. She was awful. I had HORRIBLE pain. Pain that had me throwing up and she insisted that I wasn’t even in labor.

5. Sometimes the stages of labor go faster than the medical staff predicts. After multiple attempts to get help from the evil nurse I was FINALLY listened to. This was a few short hours after they had inserted a different induction method. This method was to be left in for upwards of 12 hours. She had planned to insert it and then not check me until the morning. Low and behold a mere 4 hours later, despite her protests, I actually WAS in labor and found out i SHOULD have been pushing.

6. Pain turns me into a ninny. I’m a little ashamed about that and I do feel it puts a dark shadow over what should have been an awesome event. I was so upset by the end stages. Between failed pain relief, vomiting and being ignored by my nurse- I was over it. SO when I was laying in a stupor of pain and unwanted drugs I overheard the medical staff suddenly stating that baby and I were both in distress (all the while NOT telling myself or my husband) I was panicky. They even began preping me right then and there for a c-section. I was totally unprepared when instead they insisted I push because “Oh wow, you’re at 10 cm! how did that happen?!”. I didn’t handle the back and forth transition well and no one asked me what I wanted or needed.

7. The Dr may not actually be in the room. (Sorry in advance..but…) This particular revelation MIND FUCKED me. In everything you read- the doctor is there, there is a staff of many people in and out of your room and they tell you when to push and not push if you need help. Not in my case. I vaguely remember the doctor coming in, stating that because I was already dilated they were going to have me try pushing and she expected to be called back soon. Wait, what?! She left and it was just hubs, a nurse and me. She kept telling me to get mad and focus my breathing. All that did was make me obstinate. I didn’t want to hear what she was telling me. I wanted to know why one minute I was an urgent case and the next I was left in the hands of one person. I was pissed to say the least. I’m also asthmatic. Stress and upset set me off and I had a hard time catching my breath. They kept reminding me to breathe and then at the same time telling me to hold my breath. When you are hopped up on too many not working pain meds, stress and confusion it’s a LOT to take in. I was begging for help and everyone just kept repeating the same things and ignoring my distress. When the nurse told me I had to stop being selfish and that this wasn’t about me- it was about my baby- I really wanted to punch her in the face. When I finally demanded to see a dr things ACTUALLY got going and fast.

8. The “Ring of Fire” is real. But it isn’t as bad as I heard. On the same token- my recovery hasn’t been earth shatteringly awful like I read. Yes I bled, Yes I hurt- but I was up and moving a few hours later! Speaking of which…

9. You may faint. Ever heard of gravitational flow? Neither had I. Imagine you are bleeding but haven’t stood up for hours. They finally get you up and let you try to use the bathroom. While you are sitting there waiting for your bladder to kick in you hear a distinct “running water” sound. Except, you aren’t peeing yet and there is no water running. That happened. I remember listening to the sound and wondering what the heck was going on. Then I went deaf. As in all sounds started to dull and I sounded like my head was under water. My vision started to dim. I managed to grab the pull chord as I slipped into la la land. I remember vaguely hearing a nurse on the call button asking if everything was ok and “how are you feeling”. In a super distorted voice I said something was wrong. From my hub’s point of view (he was outside in the waiting area calling his dad), an alarm went off, nurses went running and he jokingly asked, “that’s not for room 470 is it?”. It was. Nurses came flooding in as I was sitting on the pot. I remember something about smelling salts, being told to breath and telling them over and over I was deaf. It was like listening to a conversation underwater. I was okay in the end but I remember as they hoisted me into a wheelchair that the bathroom looked like a crime scene. Holy shit.

Also.. to give en example of what I felt like I was hearing at the time…

(if this doesn’t work- search Jo Koy rupees)

10. You will have an adorable bundle that you have NO idea what to do with. It’s worth it.

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