Insecurities in a big Pregnant World

I am at best a fairly insecure person. I won’t get into the details on that- but suffice to say- I am. Pregnancy has made me a very vulnerable and stressed out person!

Most of my doctors know I have a general distrust of the medical profession (funny as I was once a part of it!). They know not to hand me off to a new doctor or nurse without giving me fair warning. Want to see my BP be awful that day? Give me a new nurse that doesn’t know I’m a basket case!

For the majority of my pregnancy I have been monitored very closely. 2 miscarriages, Gestational Diabetes and being an overall fatty pretty much make that the norm I suppose. The upside to this is that I get a LOT more ultrasounds than the average gal. Many people have commented on this being excessive and tedious. I agree. Finding rides or having to drive my husband to and from work just to have a quick 20 minute scan is annoying on a good day. It’s scary as heck when you live in Minna-snow-ta and have about 6-7 weeks left before you are ready to pop. I worry about travelling on my own a lot. Hubs work is a drive out in the boonies. The road there is actually a fairy busy highway but it cuts through super tiny towns and in many areas is unlit. I worry about fitting behind the wheel as I get farther along.

Anyway, there I go off topic. Oops.. See… crazy lady.

The point of all that- I have had the same Ultrasound tech for my entire pregnancy. She knows my quirks and how I need to be treated in order to feel comfortable. She knows my baby and how she moves, breaths and reacts. She’s never impatient and she loves to gab with us. I love going to those appointments because I know what to expect. When we run into each other in the grocery store as we often will, we stop to talk and say hello. She’s just a nice person. So when the door to the office opened today and there stood a stranger, I was pretty put off. Ultrasound Tech Barbie called my name. That sounds awful, but yeahhhh. There stood this supermodel like young thing ready to whisk me away. Apparently she also whisked my manners away when she swooped in.

My first response to her was, “I don’t know you…”. I tried to explain that I’m sort of a weird case and all she did was laugh. I think eventually she got it because she finally asked if I would prefer her to get someone else. Then I just felt like a major heel, an uncomfortable one, but still. I don’t like surprises.

I didn’t like this girl at all. First she criticized my laying placement. I wasn’t away one could stretch out wrong and it was the same way I had always done it. When she whipped out the wand she barely spoke at all. Normally my gal does a play by play or just answers my questions. She asks her own and all that too. I’m not sure if it was a different wand or technique but the quality was AWFUL. I could barely tell what anything was. She was VERY impatient with every little thing. If she didn’t immediately see something she would just skip over it. She barely spoke. We talk a lot. Especially to pass the time during a routine biophysical where not much goes on other than checking organs and fluid levels. I made comments about previous visits to this one and small changes in the color of the placenta that I noticed. She didn’t respond to most. Little one is generally not a huge mover in the mid morning. She’s up kicking me all night and gets feisty again around lunch time. Girl knows when she is getting fed! This tech kept commenting on her lack of major movement despite my explaining this a million times. Kid moves a ton. She makes me look like a lump of playdough most often. Normal tech is patient. She knows if she just hangs out or pushes around a bit that LO with get annoyed and poke back. This new tech started shaking my belly. Like, moving my belly around like a ball and bouncing on it. DO you know what that does to a lady with acid reflux issues? Hours after my appointment I was STILL feeling nauseated and awful. Overall I was not impressed. I left the office wondering what nonsense she would post in the report. What is normally a happy blissful time was very stressful and annoying in the end. I REALLY hope I don’t get this girl again. I’ve never felt so insecure about my body and my child. NOT a fan

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