5 Years

5 years since my Mom passed away.

Well, January 27th marked that date.

In 5 years… she has missed:

My engagement
My wedding
My 2 moves across the country
2 of my own miscarriages
The birth of my nephew
My own pregnancy thus far
Poppy’s 70th birthday

She’s missed so much and there is still so much life to live. I’m having a hard time not having my mom around for this baby. I want to talk to her about all the things. In reality I don’t have many people to talk to about all the things I’ve experienced. My Hubs is great but he’s a man and is probably tired of hearing about it all. My best friend is scarred for life from all my talking and she probably will never have kids because of me. Oooops. I haven’t heard from my own sisters since I shared our news. Well, that’s somewhat incorrect. Normally my middle sister and I are close. I haven’t heard from her except a text message that said, “Yay”. My oldest sister has been moderately better. She was interested in knowing the gender and tends to keep up with things via my dad. It’s somewhat depressing. For their firsts I was really excited and wanted to be a part of it all. As they each had their seconds it was harder because we were in different states or areas of the country, but I still checked in and sent presents. Heck, I STILL send presents and cards. Oh well…. Crazy hormone dreams don’t help. I’ve had several that Mom was still here and I always wake up feeling sad. We are giving little one a variation of Mom’s name for her middle name.

My family is oddly rude about this fact. We chose this particular name 2 years ago when we were first trying to have a baby. 4 months ago my cousin gave birth to a baby girl and chose a VERY similar name because she “thought it was cool”. Now everyone is accusing us of copying. It’s frustrating.When I told my Mom’s Mom her response was, “Oh….well…Okay..but…isn’t that the name your cousin already used?”. Grrr. She chose the name AFTER but had the fortune of not having 2 losses like we did. We chose our girl’s name for very specific reasons. Her first name is a tribute to how Hubs and I met. It’s a variation of a name that means a lot to both of us. We changed it a bit as some people have a religious view on the full name. Her middle name will be Ann- a tribute to my mom, Ann-Marie. I don’t see why people don’t get that.

I miss my mom this week a lot. Next week will mark when she was buried. I’m glad we have a somewhat busy weekend and busy next week to keep my mind occupied.

We all do the best we can and take one day at a time

I’ve got so much going on these next couple of weeks it’s a small blessing. Hopefully I can entice Hubs to help get the nursery more complete this weekend!! There is a lot of random things on the floor that was emptied from out desks during the move- that needs sorting. Half of the closet needs to be cleared out for her things as well. I’m letting hubs keep part of the closet until she’s a bit older. Of course- cleaning out half means that my extra pantry space needs to be relocated. That’s a bit of a pain as most of our space is being used already. This means we have to go into the front closet and so some mega reorganizing. Oh goodness gracious. Let’s see how this all works out. You can all laugh when I am pulling out my hair!!!!

My shower is in 3 weeks! That leaves me with 3 weekends to get this stuff done so that when I come home I don’t have to leave all the things in our living room. Well that and I’ll only be 3-5 weeks from delivering soooo I am SURE I will NOT want to be reorganizing the closets and space!

Until next time darlings!

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