5 Years

5 years since my Mom passed away.

Well, January 27th marked that date.

In 5 years… she has missed:

My engagement
My wedding
My 2 moves across the country
2 of my own miscarriages
The birth of my nephew
My own pregnancy thus far
Poppy’s 70th birthday

She’s missed so much and there is still so much life to live. I’m having a hard time not having my mom around for this baby. I want to talk to her about all the things. In reality I don’t have many people to talk to about all the things I’ve experienced. My Hubs is great but he’s a man and is probably tired of hearing about it all. My best friend is scarred for life from all my talking and she probably will never have kids because of me. Oooops. I haven’t heard from my own sisters since I shared our news. Well, that’s somewhat incorrect. Normally my middle sister and I are close. I haven’t heard from her except a text message that said, “Yay”. My oldest sister has been moderately better. She was interested in knowing the gender and tends to keep up with things via my dad. It’s somewhat depressing. For their firsts I was really excited and wanted to be a part of it all. As they each had their seconds it was harder because we were in different states or areas of the country, but I still checked in and sent presents. Heck, I STILL send presents and cards. Oh well…. Crazy hormone dreams don’t help. I’ve had several that Mom was still here and I always wake up feeling sad. We are giving little one a variation of Mom’s name for her middle name.

My family is oddly rude about this fact. We chose this particular name 2 years ago when we were first trying to have a baby. 4 months ago my cousin gave birth to a baby girl and chose a VERY similar name because she “thought it was cool”. Now everyone is accusing us of copying. It’s frustrating.When I told my Mom’s Mom her response was, “Oh….well…Okay..but…isn’t that the name your cousin already used?”. Grrr. She chose the name AFTER but had the fortune of not having 2 losses like we did. We chose our girl’s name for very specific reasons. Her first name is a tribute to how Hubs and I met. It’s a variation of a name that means a lot to both of us. We changed it a bit as some people have a religious view on the full name. Her middle name will be Ann- a tribute to my mom, Ann-Marie. I don’t see why people don’t get that.

I miss my mom this week a lot. Next week will mark when she was buried. I’m glad we have a somewhat busy weekend and busy next week to keep my mind occupied.

We all do the best we can and take one day at a time

I’ve got so much going on these next couple of weeks it’s a small blessing. Hopefully I can entice Hubs to help get the nursery more complete this weekend!! There is a lot of random things on the floor that was emptied from out desks during the move- that needs sorting. Half of the closet needs to be cleared out for her things as well. I’m letting hubs keep part of the closet until she’s a bit older. Of course- cleaning out half means that my extra pantry space needs to be relocated. That’s a bit of a pain as most of our space is being used already. This means we have to go into the front closet and so some mega reorganizing. Oh goodness gracious. Let’s see how this all works out. You can all laugh when I am pulling out my hair!!!!

My shower is in 3 weeks! That leaves me with 3 weekends to get this stuff done so that when I come home I don’t have to leave all the things in our living room. Well that and I’ll only be 3-5 weeks from delivering soooo I am SURE I will NOT want to be reorganizing the closets and space!

Until next time darlings!

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The Stone

OMG ya’ll.

I have to show you something.

I’m sure- if you’ve read my past posts- you know that I had a horrible kidney stone experience. Weeks ago I passed two small shards despite being assured there was probably NOT a stone.

What I plan to show you is pretty much proof that Doctors often talk out of their bums. They have no clue. NO clue.

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For the past month I have felt sluggish and gross. I blamed a lot of that on my poor baby. Tuesday I began to have terrible flank pain again. But I didn’t want to go to the hospital and be made to feel like a fool again. Wednesday my symptoms were presenting like a UTI. I was told to try urgent care and was given an antibiotic. We stopped for dinner on the way home and about an hour later those suckers popped right on out.

No stone- my ass. The picture I showed you is the dried out version. The original one, while swelled and still “wet” was even slightly larger.

Hopefully this is the end of that crazy saga!!!

Shamu Has Nothing on Me!

Hey ya’ll! We’re still alive and kicking here!

I feel… fat. Not pregnant really, just fat. In prep for Little One’s nursery we had to rearrange most of our furniture. This has been driving me nuts for weeks despite knowing I have time. Mostly it’s knowing I can’t really help and Hubs is really only able to on the weekends when all he really wants to do is veg out.

With rearranging came changing our room entirely. We ended up having to change the bed arrangement and now it’s driving me batty. In order to make it easier to pee 100000 times a night we’ve switches sides. It’s uncomfortable as my side of the memory foam is a perfect fit for my body- sleeping on his side feels like I’m trying to balance my bulk on the top of a mountain peak. The other day I rolled over onto my back and it became almost impossible to get up. Every time I moved I got a back cramp and would have to wait it out. I managed to edge towards the end and sort of drag myself off.

This is coupled with the fact that Hubs mentioned a few weeks ago that I’ve been making noises in my sleep. Specifically WHALE noises. Thanks. Thanks a whole bunch. Shamu has got nothing on this gal!!!

SO silly.

On a plus side we got some adorable gifts from Hubs’ Grandma and Aunt! Those two went insane and it was nice to have a little surprise while I was feeling super yucky!!

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They are SO sweet and spoiling this little munchkin!! They got us her bedding set and matching receiving blankets, socks, booties with matching headband, Storage baskets for her changing table, and several outfits ranging from newborn to 18 months! SO thoughtful and adorable!! Love! I probably should have waited to open things but I was having such a crud day that I needed a bit of a pick me up! Having kidney pains (again) AND no water for 2 days does a number on a gal- let me tell ya!

I do have to mention one annoying thing recently. I’m sure this happens a lot but it’s still frustrating! Has anyone else had issues with a lot of your registered items being discontinued?! This has happened multiple times for me. First our nursery furniture got discontinued. They just stopped making it and said they would email us if and when it came back. Luckily for us they emailed a few weeks later and had a few from previous stock so my Dad bought it right away. This was through Walmart and I was at least pleased that they kept up an email dialogue over it.

Target, however? Has been a HUGE pain in my butt. I’m trying not to spend time on our registry so I don’t see what if anything has been purchased. But they are not making it easy for me. AT ALL. I went to ours to add something and noticed that several items I had scanned in store were now listed as online only or no longer available. I ended up having to remove and add items that WERE available in both store and online options. I did this because ALL of my own family is East Coast and will probably not come to my shower. But I also want local folks not to have to order everything offline. I was pretty disappointed that no warning was given at all. Another peeve was my Stroller and Car seat. I swear it’s always the big items. I loved the original set we picked. It had good ratings, was a brand I was familiar with AND it matched the colors in our car. Low and behold this weekend I saw that not only had they raised the price on the car seat by $20- they had removed it from stores AND discontinued our stroller. Like.. as in completely gone.

What kills me? Around Christmas they had each piece in store for 60% off. I wanted to buy them but Hubs thought we should wait. Now they aren’t available at all and that specific color palette was a Target only item. What a pain in the tush.

Equally annoying? Our registry does not show up on phones. We went to a few of the Targets around our area to see if maybe any had the items still in stock and we would just suck it up and snag them (nope!). While we were shopping I tried multiple times to pull up our list and it kept saying the names didn’t match any on file. What the heck?!

In the end we picked out the same type of set in a different color. The kicker? This set cost $10 more than JUST the car seat of the other set… but it was THE.EXACT.SAME.SET… I don’t get it. I bought it and figure if someone was lucky/awesome enough to get us the original we can return the second choice option. I sure as heck was not going to lose out on this item again.

I really thought registering was the easiest part of the whole thing. Drive Hubs insane, pick out a million things, trim it down a little, add and remove a million times and have fun. So far it’s been a headache. I’ll be pleased when it’s over and done. I don’t even know what’s on my list anymore. Goodness!!!

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Here was me last week. While I feel lumpy and dumpy I do have one saving grace. After I flushed all the hospital fluids out of me I was down about 8 lbs. LO is still growing on chart so that was all water weight for me.

10ish more weeks. woooo

Bummed

This past weekend my family threw a huge party for my Dad’s 70th birthday.

Originally the plans were discussed over summer in hopes that I would be able to make it. We thought about doing a destination party but soon realized most people didn’t have the money or the time off work.

Instead a very nice party was planned at a fancy restaurant in his home town.

With getting pregnant and not having the easiest pregnancy my doctor was not comfortable with me flying off half way across the country at 7 months pregnant. I couldn’t go. I hate that I couldn’t go.

I feel like I’ve missed so much these past few weeks. I spent so long preparing for Christmas and the holidays and then I spent them in a medicated daze. I woke up today feeling like I’m still waiting those last few days for the holidays to roll around. It was a bit depressing. Add to that this missed party. At least one of my sisters thought to send me a picture or two.

This is surprising in and of itself. I’ve never been especially close to my siblings. They are 10 and 13 years older than me and from my Dad’s previous marriage. I’ve always been on the outside of things with them. I don’t think anyone meant it to be that way, but we didn’t grow up together or even in the same state.

Anyways..

I still can’t believe he’ll be 70 this year. It scares me sometimes that something could happen to him and I’d be so far away. I have both loving and selfish reasons for that. We’ve never been especially close but we’ve gotten better over the years. Especially after my Mom passed, it was just us two.

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I was going through some TV stuff this morning and I came across something that reminded me of a conversation we had while he was visiting this summer.

My Dad has a pretty strong accent. He was PR born but mostly raised in NY. At the time he was asking why we chose not to have a TV. I think in an effort to sway me to the dark side of owning a TV and paying for cable, he started talking about all the shows he is into. One part of our conversation was one of those moments where you have to stop, wonder about what you just heard, realize what the question REALLY was and LAUGH.

HIM: Why not have a TV, I feel bad you don’t! There are so many great things on now!

ME: We don’t really need it Poppy, and besides… cable is expensive!

HIM: Yeah, sure, but there are some great things… have you ever seen.. ahhh what’s it called?

ME: **blank stare**

HIM: Hardcore PORN!! That’s it! Have you seen Hardcore Porn?!

ME: UH… excuse me? (at this point I’m wondering if he’s lost his mind?)

HIM: You know! That show where people bring in stuff and try to porn it off…

ME: OHHHH… PAWN. Hardcore PAWN. Gotcha! Yeahhh I’ve seen it but like I said… not a huge TV gal

HIM: Of course! That’s what I said!

That’s pretty much how most of our conversations go. It can be a mixture of embarrassing questions and hilarity. I love the man, even when he is maddening. I’m super bummed I missed his party, but what can you do?!

End pity party!

Hospital beds, go away

I ended up spending ANOTHER “holiday” in a hospital. New years eve I rang in while hooked to an IV and compression leg things. Super hot.

3am New Years Eve I woke up to terrible pain again. A pain that caused rippling spasms through my back when I attempted to roll off my left side. I spent a few hours pacing, pleading silently with my body and at one point kneeling in front of the couch. I was too tired to stay up but sitting and laying sucked. So i knelt, bent forward, head on a pillow. Finally I went to lay back down and hubs realized I was shaking in pain. I’d already thrown up numerous times. He insisted we take another trip in.

It’s pretty bad when you can answer intake questions before they are asked. In between dry heaves I was given a room and iv meds. Another battery of the same tests- New doctors, new techs- all the same conclusion. Kidney stone from hell, not moving. This time I was admitted with the assurance there WOULD be a procedure. I waited hours for a room. The hospital was full to max. Luckily I had a doctor that knew I’d been here a few times already and didn’t want to subject me to new doctors at a different hospital. I didn’t have to be transferred!

Hubs and I rang in the new year eating snacks provided from nutritional services and watching the ball drop on TV. This is the first time in some 5 years that I actually watched the ball drop on TV. We still hadn’t set up our new one at home. I also forgot that everything would be an hour ahead. So sadly I missed the NYC ball drop by 5 mins. DUH. I watched a rerun later and 10 minutes after hubs rolled out the door to go home. It was the latest I had stayed up in months!

The night was a but crazy. My IV decided to go rogue at about 4am. IV techs were called, alarms were sounded from a disgruntled machine. Good times. The next morning a 4th doctor came to see me. Somehow he had overrode ALL the other doctors in the land.

The blood in my urine had lessened, the wbc WAS high but was coming down. Basically he decided I no longer had a kidney stone. He tried to make it seem like I had never had one. But as a sufferer for over 10 years, I KNOW. That couples with my initial tests last week and the tiny sediment pieces found in recent urine by the nurse all screams kidney stone.

In his “expert” opinion, while I may have had an passed a stone- he also believed that majority of my recent pain was from the baby. It appeared that my little miss had stuck her foot some place it did not belong. From what they would tell, she had positioned just right to completely block my ureter. This caused a backup in my kidney which signalled the same pains that kidney stones can cause. I guess she liked this spot and saw no need to move. Or she’s done this repeatedly for a week. In the end he decided no procedures (thank god) were necessary. His advice? Live with it. Pain manage if possible but basically just deal with the never ended kidney, back and lack of urination pain. He was kind of a dick about it. As fast as he blew in, he blew out. So I learn to deal with the pain. I’m not supposed to lay on my left side to keep her from pressing or snuggling in any more. It’s hoped that as she gets bigger she will move away, or she may not. She’s lucky I love her.

All in all i feel like a bit of an ass. I’m awaiting a HUGE bill I’m sure for something so stupid. But pain is real and can not be helped. When you’ve gone days without eating, drinking or using the bathroom- this is a problem. Especially for a diabetic pregnant lady.

We I strolled out of the hospital I told them “No offence but I hope I don’t see any of you until March or April!”