I could really use some help :/

First let me start this off with what is currently going on.

Guys,

I am seriously having SUCH a hard time today. Yesterday morning I was checking my Facebook when I saw a cryptic message from a close cousin. I reached out to my family to find out if all was well and the news was NOT good. My Aunt C called me back to tell my, her sister, my Aunt.. and my last link to the world of MS beyond my Mom… was on her deathbed.

It turns out she has pneumonia for the past week and they’ve been working very hard to keep her alive. She stopped responding to treatments last night and her intake of breath dropped to only 3 a MINUTE and she had flat lined numerous times.

I can’t even believe this is happening. When I lived in FL as a small child I spent a LOT of time with my Aunt LJ. She even called me her daughter and I would call her my ‘udda mudda’. My Mom worked a lot so I spent almost every day with her. My earliest memories all revolve around her, her house and her babies. She is also the first person I ever remember knowing with MS. A lot of how I handled my Mom’s diagnosis was based on what I learned from my Aunt. You can imagine that I was heart broken to not even know she was ‘that sick’ when I got the call yesterday.

I want to be there SO badly. SO bad.

But, I can’t afford it. It actually cripples me to say that. We just moved on the 11th so my funds are basically all pumped into the hundreds of dollars in things I needed to function in my home. Hell, I don’t even have a credit card.

I looked up flights, to fly from Minneapolis to Tampa ( figure out someone to pick me up)…would cost $500 for a ticket and I don’t have a spare $500. I don’t even have a spare $50.

I’m nearly to the point of begging on the internet. Sad. I know. I hate myself for even THINKING it, but hey, if you happen to know of a solution, I would be so grateful. Ideally I’d like to get there in the next 2 days or so. Coming home is less of an issue, as long as I am home by Nov. 1st. ARRRGGGHH

ANYWAY.

————

Food for thought:

Just a few of my meals this week. I’ve been going back to my roots of cooking for a cardiac patient. My husband is really enjoying this and feeling much less hungry all the time. It’s harder for me.. but what can you do?

Image

Blackened lemon dill white fish with roasted garlic dill zucchini halves. I freakin LOVED this. WOW.

We’ve had a lot of chicken breast and veggie combos as well.

I made a slow cooked pork roast on Sunday that was so yummy. It had 1/2 cup apple cider, teaspoons of garlic, basil, oregano, onion powder, cracked black pepper and cumin. I had planned to make skin on mashed potatoes with spinach, but… Hubby found a pumpkin pasta sauce so we had a treat of that with bow ties. Perfect fall food!!

Breakfast and lunches have been mostly leftovers and big leafy salads.

—-

Exercise for life.

This is my bums-ville lately.

My weekends are great! I get 2-4 miles in daily! We are super active and sometimes moving at paces of 4.3 mph. That’s pretty fast for my short little legs.

This weekend we decided to participate in some of our community events. I’d heard our new town goes a bit wild. We debated on and off with going to the parade in the area. In the end we left for coffee and found ourselves heading over anyway. We had NO clue how the route worked so we parked super far away and then had to walk quite a few blocks up and back. The verdict? Unless you’re a kid, know a kid, or know anyone… it kinds sucks. We stood around like rejects for a while before we decided to just get the original plan of coffee. I was getting this super weird cramp in my back. I blame a lack of warm up to what turned into a bit of a hike and the super cold temps. Prepared, I was NOT.

My week days are not so successful. The plus side is I am moving around a LOT more than I was. I feel that I am constantly in motion. I’m still tweaking the way I want things, so there are days I’m dragging heavy bits and bobs around for hours and my husband comes home to find me wiped out. I need to get into a daily routine. I have the space now, just not the motivation.

—-

Thoughts:

I’m so stressed and upset right now. I can’t help but want to binge constantly. It’s my go to for stress. Despite a healthier lifestyle the past week, I am still not shedding any weight.

For once in my life, I would love to have a guardian angel to just lend a helping hand. Sometimes I just. need. help.

Hope you all are in better spirits and are still kicking it!

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