Fight the Power

I’m battling my own demons this Halloween!

I know I mentioned my overwhelming need to shove candy in my mouth. Today is D day. I’m trying to counteract my feelings of loss of control with a breakfast snack.

I read a lot of your blogs and I love to glean little tips. Today I decided to make a Chocolate Peanut butter Oatmeal from Melanie at Happy Being Healthy! She’s so gosh darn happy and adorable. Sometimes I just read her blog for a mental boost! Anyhow, this recipe was super yummy. I had tried another one months ago and thought it was a disaster. This was SO rich and tasty.

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Hopefully that will satisfy my tummy and mind’s need for sugary chocolatey goodness today. *Fingers Crossed*

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By the way, my aunt is doing much better. It seems she’s pulled a miracle. I’m so glad!

I have to admit, I’m feeling a bit blue. My birthday is this Saturday and I just feel very Blah about it. It’s not an milestone or important one so it feels a bit meaningless. I guess I’m feeling the effects of getting older. I see lots of gray hairs now and my body is just not bouncing back the way it once did.

I got back into my exercise routine this week. I was so happy and excited. I could feel my heart booming and the sweat pouring. Then during the night I was so uncomfy and i went to prop myself up, wrenched my shoulder and twisted my neck. Swear to god. I thought I was going to have to actually see a doctor because I was unable to move my head barely at all. Totally scary. Luckily lots of aspirin, heat pads and rest has mostly fixed me up. Once I fully trust myself I’ll get back into the main routine again. I swear haha. I’m a mess!!

 

Hope you all have a fun and safe Halloween!

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Halloween, FTW

Ya’ll.

I didn’t fall off the wagon, I rode it right on up to the coffers and loaded it down with candy.

Normally, candy isn’t a huge issue for me.. but for some reason…

We ended up at my MIL’s yesterday to pick up some things she wanted to give us. We ended up getting there before her, so we went in to wait. Sitting on the table was a huge bowl of candy. The next thing I knew, I was literally 3 pieces in and I didn’t even REALIZE. I don’t know WHAT came over me! I feel like this is an awful sign that the Holidays are going to RUIN me this year. AI had zero self control.

How are you all handling the Halloween pressure? Any tips?!

I could really use some help :/

First let me start this off with what is currently going on.

Guys,

I am seriously having SUCH a hard time today. Yesterday morning I was checking my Facebook when I saw a cryptic message from a close cousin. I reached out to my family to find out if all was well and the news was NOT good. My Aunt C called me back to tell my, her sister, my Aunt.. and my last link to the world of MS beyond my Mom… was on her deathbed.

It turns out she has pneumonia for the past week and they’ve been working very hard to keep her alive. She stopped responding to treatments last night and her intake of breath dropped to only 3 a MINUTE and she had flat lined numerous times.

I can’t even believe this is happening. When I lived in FL as a small child I spent a LOT of time with my Aunt LJ. She even called me her daughter and I would call her my ‘udda mudda’. My Mom worked a lot so I spent almost every day with her. My earliest memories all revolve around her, her house and her babies. She is also the first person I ever remember knowing with MS. A lot of how I handled my Mom’s diagnosis was based on what I learned from my Aunt. You can imagine that I was heart broken to not even know she was ‘that sick’ when I got the call yesterday.

I want to be there SO badly. SO bad.

But, I can’t afford it. It actually cripples me to say that. We just moved on the 11th so my funds are basically all pumped into the hundreds of dollars in things I needed to function in my home. Hell, I don’t even have a credit card.

I looked up flights, to fly from Minneapolis to Tampa ( figure out someone to pick me up)…would cost $500 for a ticket and I don’t have a spare $500. I don’t even have a spare $50.

I’m nearly to the point of begging on the internet. Sad. I know. I hate myself for even THINKING it, but hey, if you happen to know of a solution, I would be so grateful. Ideally I’d like to get there in the next 2 days or so. Coming home is less of an issue, as long as I am home by Nov. 1st. ARRRGGGHH

ANYWAY.

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Food for thought:

Just a few of my meals this week. I’ve been going back to my roots of cooking for a cardiac patient. My husband is really enjoying this and feeling much less hungry all the time. It’s harder for me.. but what can you do?

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Blackened lemon dill white fish with roasted garlic dill zucchini halves. I freakin LOVED this. WOW.

We’ve had a lot of chicken breast and veggie combos as well.

I made a slow cooked pork roast on Sunday that was so yummy. It had 1/2 cup apple cider, teaspoons of garlic, basil, oregano, onion powder, cracked black pepper and cumin. I had planned to make skin on mashed potatoes with spinach, but… Hubby found a pumpkin pasta sauce so we had a treat of that with bow ties. Perfect fall food!!

Breakfast and lunches have been mostly leftovers and big leafy salads.

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Exercise for life.

This is my bums-ville lately.

My weekends are great! I get 2-4 miles in daily! We are super active and sometimes moving at paces of 4.3 mph. That’s pretty fast for my short little legs.

This weekend we decided to participate in some of our community events. I’d heard our new town goes a bit wild. We debated on and off with going to the parade in the area. In the end we left for coffee and found ourselves heading over anyway. We had NO clue how the route worked so we parked super far away and then had to walk quite a few blocks up and back. The verdict? Unless you’re a kid, know a kid, or know anyone… it kinds sucks. We stood around like rejects for a while before we decided to just get the original plan of coffee. I was getting this super weird cramp in my back. I blame a lack of warm up to what turned into a bit of a hike and the super cold temps. Prepared, I was NOT.

My week days are not so successful. The plus side is I am moving around a LOT more than I was. I feel that I am constantly in motion. I’m still tweaking the way I want things, so there are days I’m dragging heavy bits and bobs around for hours and my husband comes home to find me wiped out. I need to get into a daily routine. I have the space now, just not the motivation.

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Thoughts:

I’m so stressed and upset right now. I can’t help but want to binge constantly. It’s my go to for stress. Despite a healthier lifestyle the past week, I am still not shedding any weight.

For once in my life, I would love to have a guardian angel to just lend a helping hand. Sometimes I just. need. help.

Hope you all are in better spirits and are still kicking it!

Settling In

Hello darlings!

I am finally back! We have for the most part completed our move, and finally got our internet hooked up!

This past week has been one trial after another. My rooms are a mess of boxes, bags and miscellaneous things. My kitchen is sparse. I haven’t really had a chance to run any errands for food, so options are limited!

Hopefully this forced diet will help give me that boost I need! I’ve lost 2 of the many pounds I gained back, so that’s something. Though, I haven’t weighed myself since we moved! Eeek! There are too many other things for me to move and do!

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SERIOUSLY.. well this was day 1 I mostly have things together now… but you can get an idea!

Food for thought:

As I stated, I don’t have much in my fridge at the moment! My breakfasts have been limited to eggs and whole grain breads. I’ve really been enjoying egg white sandwiches on whole grain toast with a handful of mixed greens! It’s so yummy and filling for my mornings.

Goodness knows I need fuel right now. I’ve been lifting heavy boxes, carrying things all over and generally moving a LOT. The other day I wore my pedometer while I worked and I put in 2.8 miles just INSIDE the apartment- Insane right?!

Lunch has been mostly salads. I managed to snag a chicken breast that I steamed with basil, rosemary, garlic and onion powder. mmmm flavorful! I steamed and chopped broccoli, cauliflower, carrots and squash pieces to add as well. I did cheat and threw in some croutons as well when I found an almost empty bag in the box of things I grabbed from the pantry before we moved.  It’s a surprisingly yummy salad!

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I’ve been swapping between oil & vinegar and a sauce made from the aforementioned and peanut butter. Loves!

Dinners haven’t been very inspired. Mostly just lean meat, steamed veggies and a side like roasted plums, potato pancakes or something.

 

Anyway! Not much else to update for the moment. Just wanted to let you know that we are getting settled and working on setting up a healthy life style!

 

 

Mama Said There’d be Days Like This

Hey y’all,

Boy have things been a pressure cooker of stress here!

Y’all know that I’m supposed to be moving at the end of this week. Yeah, I have a cluttered heck of a bedroom right now. I have a million totes, duffles and whatnot type of bags all over the place. There are about 5 million things I’m going to need to get done and I’m only one person. The good news is, that aside from curtains, I now have everything essential for moving in! Weeee! I even did a calculation of all the things I bought vs what I’d expected to buy them for in retail stores instead of estate sales. We saved over $1,700! Holy cow!!!!

Now, onto my newest stress causer. I don’t know how much I’ve covered this previously. Oct. 9, 2010 my then fiance had a pretty bad heart attack. He had a 90 percent blockage in the left anterior descending artery. I won’t go into the whole story but the doctors at the time said I was damn lucky we didn’t wait for an ambulance. His type is generally called the widow maker.

That said, we started on a cardiac healthy diet and he thrived. But with all the moves and relying on the help of others over the past 3 years… well, let’s just say most people aren’t into super healthy foods or being considerate of things like smoking. So hubster gained back most of what he lost. We’ve had some major talks about once we move and are more free to cook as we did before. It’s going back to our old ways, and hopefully this will help us BOTH.

Anyyyyway… Yesterday, my normally uncomplaining husband came home from work way early. He had had to take a nitro after he felt a pop and pain in his chest. He was having trouble breathing and was just feeling like shit. The boss sent him home to rest. After a few hours he still was not feeling right and was talking about still feeling some pain and a hollow feeling in his arms. We probably should have just gone immediately, but he knows his body and I waited for his call. Eventually he decided we should go. That sent me into a tailspin of panic, as he has had issues before but he usually doesn’t need to go in after some nitro pills.

We drove down to the hospital, which is only a few minutes away, and ironically it happens to be less than a block from our new apartment! (thank god). So they whisked him in for tests and left me sitting in the waiting room for over an hour. While his EKG came back OK, his BP was super high and they wanted to run more tests because they consider him a high risk patient. He ended up being admitted so they could continue some tests. This morning they will perform a stress test and we wil see from there what happens.

Thankfully he is in good hands and seems to be feeling much better than last night. But y’all, this was a true scare. This is exactly one of the reasons I want to be healthy. I want my hubster and our future children to be healthy. This has to happen. I need all the help I can get right now.

Round and Round , Here We Go Again

Hey y’all!

Boy, do I have SO MUCH to talk about! It’s been crazy recently. There are a lot of things and thoughts going on at the moment. I can barely keep up with myself.

First off: I have been trying very hard to get myself on track. I’ve made a lot of discoveries recently that contribute to the continued trial and error of my health. When I first started this journey I was counting calories. I did really well on this for a while. However, as soon as life got more hectic, I soon found myself skipping entries and even fibbing on them. When I saw the pattern of fibbing I soon decided I didn’t care and stopped all together. The scary part is, I actually gained back MORE weight then where I started from this time last year. It’s humbling and shaming.

Another large issue I’ve noticed is the continued food issues I’ve had and have been ignoring. I think it’s finally time to see an allergist. I have been noticing a painful bloat when it comes to certain foods, but sometimes I have issues figuring out exactly what they are when I consume non-home cooked foods. I need help because this has led to a large amount of being sick.

I am also working on eating more home cooked foods. During the super hot summer days the rest of the household was not amenable to turning the stove on. There were weeks when I would eat whatever my MIL brought into the house. It usually almost immediately made me throw up.

That said, I’ve set some new goals:

– Eat more real fresh food, less processed garbage

– Stick with my portion controls

– Stop spending so much time calorie counting, spend more time finding healthier option

– Eat more small meals throughout the day

Here are some of my meals lately- nothing super amazing but yummy. I’ve been enjoying home made soups, salads, venison, wild rice and such!

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I’ve also discovered these super yummy protein power bars. Perfect for when I’m craving that bagel-ness.

(butternut squash soup + venison sausage + wild rice) ( leftover soup + mixed green salad with balsamic) ( 1/2 oz reduced fat cheddar + 1/2 protein power bar + 2 tsp  whipped cream cheese + 1/3 avocado)——-

Another thing going on in my life is our impending move.

We signed our lease on a new apartment 2 months ago. The woman that was living there gave a super early notice, which we later found out. She then opted to use her right to remain in residence until the end of her lease which was this Monday Oct 1st.

If anyone knows me, they know this stressed me the heck out. I’m a bit OCD when it comes to being organized and in charge. Being on someone else’s time table basically turns me into a nut case. In the beginning of the summer when we first thought we would be moving (and later found out they rented that place out from under us..grrr) we rented a storage space. We’d been hitting up estate sales and flea markets in search of some Mid-century furniture that would suit out taste. That space is now full and has some to us passing on some really amazing finds. My storage unit is a hell hole that is equally stressful to me,

Flash to this week. When I last spoke to the landlord last month she gave us a tentative date of Nov 1st, possibly a week earlier if everything went smoothly. When we spoke this week suddenly out move in date has been moved up to NEXT WEEK. HOLY HELL. If ya know me, then you know that I tend to pack my suitcase a week in advance for a vacation, so in this sense my mind thinks I am already behind! I spent 6 hours yesterday doing small things. Packing unused weekly clothes, sorting through a mountain of papers that needed to be shredded or filed. I packed up anything small that I could. My room looks like a nightmare. I have bags, boxes and goods in every nook and cranny,

Suffice to say, we are moving in a week. I don’t have linens, bathroom anything, moving boxes, tape or well.. half the crap I need. I’m stressing out and I have no way of getting around and doing anything myself in the days before the move. I need a chill pill.

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Body in motion.

This is another massive issue for me. My body is not bouncing back from the things it’s undergone recently. I’m having a lot of discomforts. It’s distracting and discouraging.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this previously, but my family has a lot of instances of Multiple Sclerosis(MS). A few years ago I was approached because of this to join a study program. Basically I signed myself up for 20 years of services. It mostly amounted to answering long questionnaires and giving DNA samples. No big thing. Occasionally I receive articles on some of their findings based on different aspects of the study, I’ve received some weird things recently that have started my head spinning. In one study that they did on causes, I had all but ONE of the 20 or so aspects they consider high risk. In a more recently study they discussed smoking, teenage drinking and obesity. Ding ding ding. I rang all those bells too. They’ve learned that those things have contributed to accelerated diagnosis age. It freaks me out a lot. I watched 3 people I love waste away from a merciless disease. My mom died from complications, my aunt who only turned 50 last week has been in a nursing home for YEARS, a cousin is barely a shadow of his former self. I love in constant fear that that will be the life i live and thus subject my hubster to. There are days when I have “symptoms”. The thing with MS is its not super easy to diagnose and many of the symptoms or signs are often overlooked completely or attributed to old injuries or other illnesses. Some days I noticed a marked weakness in my hands and arms, other times I will have constant muscle spasms in my legs that make it almost feel like I am walking on Jello filled limbs. Other times I find myself in a mental “fog”- losing track of a sentence, saying the wrong word, forgetting a thought I just had seconds ago. There have been times when I’ve thought of something and opened a browser only to find myself staring blankly at it with no memory of what I had wanted to do.  (Actually in a moment of hilarity I had another thought on this subject and I’ve already forgotten it. sigh). Anyhow I’ve never had any formal testing, mostly because I’d rather not know either way. Ya know? If I was symptomatic I would drive myself insane thinking of all the things going wrong. If I wasn’t symptomatic then I would probably feel like I was insane.

So, that’s the crp side of things..

I do have some fun things though! I’ve been playing around with pigment and I’ve made 3 of my OWN nail polishes. Two turned out similar and the other was not exactly what I had thoght. I need better pigments to use!

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In this instance I was hoping for more of a toasty brown. I hadn’t added the warmer brown color yet.

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This color- oh man. I ended up adding black to the finished product and it turned out MUCH richer than the picture. One thing I found amazing was how long it lasted. I used to paint my nails sometimes twice a week because my daily life led to cracked and chipped paint. Hands + hot water/cleaning products/oils = fail. However, with this polish- I did everything I normally do and then some and it lasted almost 8 days! Even when I decided to change it out, it still looked nice. The only reason I took it off was because my cuticles were showing a lot. I was utterly blown away by my first tries!

 

So, now you are all caught up, or mostly. I realized this was already insanely long, so.. yeah.

Hope everyone is doing well and staying focused!