The First Time

We’ve all probably been on countless weight loss and diet drills. I’m just trying to be healthy now! I was thinking about some of the changes my body has gone through in the past few months.

DO you remember the first time you realized you were actually losing weight. I’m talking about NSV (Non scale victory). Sometimes I get discouraged because the pounds aren’t just sliding off. I get unrealistic about my approach and feel I should be farther along than I am. Lord knows I have a lot more tweaks and changes to make before I’m where I want to be in my health!

While I was having a discouraged fit over my ankle issue ( more on that below) I reach back and scratched this itch in the middle of my back. I just reached back and did it without thinking. As I did this I had this stark memory of NOT being able to scratch my own back in the past few years. I’d chalked it up to being less flexible, but really it was that my fat was too large to allow my arms to bend back enough. I used to have tons of back scratchers to get the job done. Yes, I know many people have areas they can’t reach. I’m talking about barely being able to scratch below my tops of my shoulders!

This was sort of an “Oh!” moment for me! A lot of times I don’t see a massive difference on the scale. Since I started really trying in the past 2 months I’ve lost only 9 lbs total. The difference is, when I flex my arm I can see and feel tiny little muscles. I can feel tighter stronger abs under a layer of blubber. My legs feel stronger and I can feel more muscle there too. It’s a little much sometimes.

I’m fighting a mega wave of depression this afternoon. It’s finally beautiful out! The sky is clear, the temp is warm and there is a nice light breeze. I wanted to go walking! I’d mentioned that my ankle was hurting me yesterday. When I woke up this morning it was not swollen and I could rotate it just fine. I grabbed my walking shoes and prepared to walk. I usually do a few light stretches to warm myself up- still no issues. Off I went. About 1/4 mile in my ankle started to hurt again!

It’s hard to describe the pain. It feels like a pulling from the interior of my left ankle. There are a few different areas it seems to bother. It hurts from around the knobby ankle bone to the arch of my foot. It also hurts along the back. It starts off light, as if my ankle is being pulled slightly. I tried to walk through it and was soon limping. I think at this point I was just trying to find a position I could at least walk home with. I ended up walking on the outer portion of my foot. As I limped home the top portion of my foot began to hurt too.

So, now I’m home. My walk was a complete failure. It doesn’t hurt so much when I walk around the house, so that’s weird too. I found an ace bandage and wrapped myself up. It feels a bit weak so I figured stabilizing would be smart. I tried icing it and all it did was create this ache deep within.

This really sucks.

i think what scares me most is that I previously broke this ankle. It was years and years ago but it was a pretty bad break. At the time the doctor recommended putting pins in my ankle. The same day I fell and broke it my mother was also rushed to the hospital from work (this was before she was diagnosed with MS). My dad doesn’t handle stress well and having both of us hurting was too much for him. He decided at the time he could not handle having us both in the hospital so he declined to have the pins put in. I spent months in a cast and still had to wear a gel cast with hard plastic for a few months after the beast cast was removed. That ankle has never been quite right since. So now here I am having an issue on the same ankle. I’m able to admit it scares me. Should we have had the pins put in? Is this going to come back and bite e in the ass? Ugh I don’t need this right now.


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