And so it Begins

Actually to be totally fair, it’s already begun- That is neither here nor there!

Anyway!

Hi everyone! If you happen to find this blog then yay! My name is Jess. I am.. *deep breath* Obese. I’m not “overweight”, “chunky” or even “curvy”. I am OBESE. This blog is somewhat of a personal journal documenting what I can only hope will be my road to a healthier me. I don’t have dreams of being super thin. I never have been. Even as a kiddo I was always “big”.

This journey for me really started in 2011. Two weeks before my wedding I was having chest pains. They lasted a while. My husband had already had a heart attack (at 36) the year before- He insisted I get checked out, so off we went to the hospital. I didn’t have a heart attack (knock on wood). I had all sorts of insane stuff going on. My heart rate was way too high. They concluded that I must just be having a panic attack. I never really bought this explanation because until I walked into the hospital I was totally serene. We had been grocery shopping for heaven’s sake! I was kept over night and during that time they weighed me.

285 lbs.

I was in absolute denial. NO WAY! Not me! Nu uhhh!! I made them weigh me 3 more times. Same deal. I was horrified. I’m only 5’3″ – That meant I was more than double what the “health professionals” said I should be. I mean, I knew I was gaining weight, but never in my mind was I that bad. I think the most depressing thing for me was for the past year my husband and I had been following the heart healthy diet his cardiologist has recommended. I was full of veggies, fruits and lean meats. We’d cut out things like sugar, carbs and processed foods. Sodium had absolutely no place in my home. Over that past year my husband lost around 30 lbs. I gained 30.  I was the same weight and size my mom was when she died. Yeah..

Cue to this year.

During a bad cold I sucked it up and saw a doctor. They of course weighed me. Their scale claimed I was 250. 35lbs gone?! No way. By now I had pretty much fallen into a depressive cycle. I was never going to overcome this fat body I’d given myself. Clearly my body had other plans.

Image

That left side was me on my wedding day (we had a very small deal so no white wedding for me!)- the right side was the same day I got weighed in at 250. This was 2 moves, and job losses later!

The angles are clearly different but I can tell, even if no one else can!

So these are the things I am working on:

– Portion size

– Foods that work for ME

– Not limiting myself

– Getting off my butt!

Let’s face it. I’d become lazy and over indulgent. After my husband lost his job- our only income, 2 weeks after our wedding no less. I stopped caring. I ate whatever crap passed my lips. I’d started this cycle before after my mom died. I had a LOT of guilt over that and I did not handle myself well. I tried a million fad diets. You can’t build a house overnight folks, just like you can’t change yourself in a week. It’s a full life style change. Something I struggle with daily. Food is and was my addiction and I need to learn to get out of that zone.

So the challenge begins. Get healthy! Get active! I really hope you will consider joining me on this trek! If you are out there, I really hope you will follow along, over support, ideas and what not.

To the haters out there. Guess what? I already know I’m fat and lazy so let’s move on? Good!

I will post about my changes, ideas and struggles as time goes on! Until Next time!

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